Weddings bring families together to celebrate love, but things can get tricky when you're trying to get everyone involved and happy with the process and outcome. While brides often have a clear vision and strong support from their nearest and dearest, one relationship that can feel complicated to balance is with the mother of the groom.
Should she help with the planning? What role should she play during the big day itself? You might not have the answer to these questions, but including her in meaningful ways is important. It makes her feel valued and sets the tone for a stronger family relationship moving forward. This guide will walk you through thoughtful, practical tips to include the mother of the groom in your wedding plans.
1. Start the Conversation Early
Open communication builds trust and makes the other person feel like they're genuinely considered. Don't wait until the final stretch to involve the mother of the groom in your plans. Send her an invitation for coffee or lunch as soon as possible, and use this as an opportunity to talk about her expectations and wishes for the big day.
Keep it light yet specific. For example, consider asking her these questions:
- “Are there any traditions from your side that you'd love to see incorporated?”
- “What would make you feel most helpful during the planning process?”
- “What kind of a role are you hoping to play on the big day?”
By intentionally asking her these questions, you can make her feel heard and learn of any opportunities to build inclusivity into your plans.
2. Invite Her to Dress Shopping Events
One simple yet memorable way to involve the mother of the groom is by inviting her to go on shopping trips, whether it's for your gown or bridesmaids' attire. While she may not have the same decision-making power as you, her presence shows that you value her opinions.
Better yet, plan a special day to shop for formal mother-of-the-bride dresses and mother-of-the-groom dresses. You might consider coordinating the two outfits so both mothers look united on the big day. This could also be a great opportunity for bonding between both mothers.
3. Give Her a Meaningful Task
Not every mother of the groom wants a hands-on role, but for those who do, assigning a meaningful task is a really special, thoughtful gesture. Consider areas where she's particularly skilled or interested. Could she help research local florists, decorators, or caterers? Plan a family pre-wedding dinner event? Assemble wedding invitations or favors?
When her role matches her strengths, not only does she feel appreciated for her efforts, but it also lightens your workload. It's a win-win!
4. Include Her in Pre-Wedding Events
Traditionally, the groom's family hosts the rehearsal dinner, but don't stop there. Include the mother of the groom in events like the engagement party, bridal shower, or even a spa day with the bride and bridal party.
This makes her feel deeply integrated into the festivities and removes the invisible barrier of “your family versus his family.”
5. Ask for Advice When It Matters
While you may not want too many cooks in the kitchen when you're finalizing your wedding plans, there's no harm in seeking advice in areas where her experience could genuinely help. Whether it's setting up a seating chart, selecting a few song options, or brainstorming family-friendly food options, she'll appreciate being brought into the fold.
You don't have to agree with everything she suggests, but acknowledging her input will deepen your mutual respect.
6. Create a Special Moment for Her in the Ceremony
The wedding day should revolve around you and your partner, and their mother is a huge part of their life. So find ways to build a mother-child moment into the program. A popular way to do this is with a dance following the traditional father-daughter dance. However, it can be as simple as a private toast before starting the ceremony.
7. Clarify Roles To Avoid Misunderstandings
To avoid stepping on anyone's toes, set clear expectations with both mothers. Everyone's family and dynamics are unique, so some mothers may expect more involvement than others. Sit down together and clearly communicate roles early in the process to avoid hurt feelings or assumptions down the road.
For instance, clearly define who's hosting which events (e.g., showers, dinner parties, etc.). Specify boundaries in decision-making so that everyone knows who has the final say. It's important to acknowledge everyone's excitement while staying true to your vision for the big day.
8. Incorporate Cultural or Family Traditions
If the groom's family follows particular cultural or religious traditions, finding ways to incorporate them into your ceremony or reception is a fantastic way to honor and please the mother of the groom. From adding a special reading during the vows to including symbolic rituals, these touches create a richly layered day that's deeply personal to everyone involved. Just ensure that all these traditions align with you and your partner's shared vision.
9. Write Her a Special Note or Gift
A thoughtful thank-you note or a small gift expressing your gratitude can be hugely meaningful to the mother of the groom. Present it to her after the wedding or during the rehearsal dinner.
A heartfelt message thanking her for raising the person you love and being supportive through the planning process can go a long way in cementing a positive relationship moving forward.
10. Lean Into Moments of Joy
Lastly, remember to have fun with this process. After all, you're not just organizing a celebration day; you're also setting the stage for how your family relationships grow and evolve over time. Planning your wedding will always present tiny bumps along the way, but including other people, like the groom's mother, in those moments of joy keeps spirits high.
Make the Big Day Unforgettable for Everyone
Including the mother of the groom in your wedding plans is a meaningful gesture and will strengthen your relationship with your new extended family. Cheers to building a loving family and planning a wedding day for the ages!
